Restaurant owner deals with MS

Pawtuxet Valley 08/17/2005

By Jessica Carr
Daily Times

CROMPTON -- For much of his life John DeFazio worked as a cook running the Crossroads Restaurant in Crompton. At the age of 46, things took a dramatic turn for the worse.

Although he couldn't explain it, DeFazio started to notice that he was experiencing some very "weird" sensations in his everyday routine.

Simple things like walking across the carpet, he said felt "really weird". Cooking on his 5-foot grill in his restaurant, which is where John DeFazio normally spent most of his days, abruptly came to an end when he developed a heat intolerance. Because of DeFazio's tendency to tuck personal issues under the rug, many of these signals went unheeded until he finally had a major attack.

"Marie (John's wife) and I were supposed to be leaving on our one vacation a year in two days, and I think I was more or less just trying to deal with...signals," DeFazio said. "I had a lot on my mind, a lot I knew I wanted to get done before we left and then, that's when I had the major attack. I woke up one morning and just fell down. My legs from the waist down went completely numb."

Regardless, DeFazio tried to work through the symptoms in order to enjoy his vacation. When he returned, DeFazio finally agreed to see a doctor. They tested him for a vitamin deficiency, for Lyme disease, and for a cornucopia of other diseases and sicknesses before they finally diagnosed him with Multiple Sclerosis in March 1996.

"It was really tough for me to accept this is what I had because I knew right then that I was going to have to sell the restaurant, which I did in June (3 months after he was diagnosed)," DeFazio said. "The loss of all the people in my life and my work was even tougher."

He and his wife had to sell their home and move into a single level ranch. Marie was forced to take over as the breadwinner in the family which meant she would go to work 10-12 hours a day, which in turn left John at home to fend for himself for extended periods of time.

"I work 10 hour shifts almost every day and would always be so nervous leaving John alone all day," Marie said.

A DOG TO THE RESCUE

Her mind was eventually put at ease when John learned about the NEADS Service Dog Program. NEADS (Dogs For Deaf and Disabled Americans), is a non-profit organization which was established in 1976 to train and provide rescued dogs and donated puppies to assist people who are deaf or physically disabled in leading more independent lives at work, at home, and at school.

These assistance dogs, according to Marie, can become an extension of their owners and bring security, freedom, independence and relief from social isolation to their human partners.

"When we got Shapleigh it made such a big difference in our lives and gave me a peace of mind I could never buy," Marie said. "She can do so much to help John and she is a great companion for him when I am gone to work."

Shapleigh became a part of the DeFazio family seven years ago after John saw an advertisement for the NEADS Service Dogs and inquired about getting one for himself.

"As my disease progressed, I became less and less able to do things for myself," DeFazio said. "Then I saw a story about a woman with MS who had one of these NEADS dogs and I thought, that might be a good tool for me."

In the end, Shapleigh turned out to be more than just a good tool for the DeFazios, she is John's life saver. In addition to her other talents, including her ability to turn light switches on and off, help John take his socks off and insert and eject video cassettes from the family's VCR, Shapleigh is also trained to react in an emergency situation.

Back in December, DeFazio fell at his home while Marie was at work. His fall was so severe that when he came down his shoulder hit the door frame and ultimately left him with a badly fractured and dislocated shoulder.

DeFazio, lying on the floor in severe pain, was unable to move but his service dog knew just what to do. At DeFazio's command, Shapleigh retrieved the telephone so her master could call 9-1-1 for help.

Since that fall, DeFazio hasn't been able to walk or drive. To date, his condition is in the secondary progressive stage which, the DeFazios explained, means "the disease is pretty much just taking its course now and there is nothing medically anyone can do." DeFazio takes a handful of medications everyday.

The disease is affecting his spine and his brain so he admits to forgetting things sometimes. He is most afraid of not knowing what is going to happen next.

"Dec. 7th, 2004 was the last day John was able to walk carefree and a handicap van with hand controls could give John some of his independence back," Marie said. "These vans are, however, very, very expensive."

A good used van with the lowered floor, powered door and powered ramp, Marie said, can cost around $35,900 and a brand new one costs at least $46,900. The DeFazios have set a goal for themselves of raising the funds to purchase the van and invested the foundation for the funds by selling their 1994 Oldsmobile for $2000.

"We have so much further to go and I am hoping that because John and I feel that acts of kindness are contagious, one person will start the trend and then others will follow," Marie said.

To put the fund-raising efforts over the top, the DeFazios, with the help of many of their family, friends, and former Crossroads customers, are throwing a fundraising dinner.

The dinner, which is sponsored by the Acts Of Kindness, Inc., will have Mixed Nuts: an Interactive Cabaret, live music by Brad Griffing and a multitude of items which will be auctioned off by their guest auctioneer, Tony Petrarca from Channel 12 Eyewitness News to help them meet their goal.

The fundraising dinner is scheduled for Thursday, September 1, at Lombardi's 1025 Club, which is located at 1025 Plainfield St. in Johnston.

Guests can arrive as early as 6pm and dinner is slated to start at 6:30pm. A donation of $35 is being asked. No tickets will be sold at the door, so to buy them in advance call 946-4248 or 943-6505.

Donations, which are tax deductible, are also being accepted and should be sent to "The Driving Miss Shapleigh Fund" c/o Citizen's Bank 1090 Charles Street North Providence, RI 02904